Monday, April 23, 2007

Green movement brings out the heavy hitters

Story: "I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."

Ah, the brightest mind of our time, Sheryl Crow. If this is the best the environmental movement has to offer as a way to save the world, we don't have a whole lot to worry about.

More nuggets of brilliance:

"I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be
made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have
designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The
sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve,"
after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of
wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another
barely used paper ".

What a solution.

In other news, I'm back and ready to once again Push back the Frontiers of Ignorance. Thank you all of you for your concern as I was having HTML problems, and lackadaisical posting.


SolaMeanie said...

Yeesh! Maybe these people would have liked to live in the days of King Lear, when they threw the chicken legs over their shoulder to the floor where they rotted. Bathing was also optional in those days unless one's dead carcass fell in the moat.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. These clowns only want to impose their rules on the rest of us, but not to themselves. If Sheryl Crow, Algore, and the rest of the entertainment community is really serious, they'll bicycle to their next event instead of using those gas guzzling Lear jets, stretch limos and SUVs.

Kingdom Advancing said...

Maybe Sheryl Crow and her environmentalist pals could just use ZERO squares and instead of making "dining" sleeves, just leave their mouths and hands sticky, thereby compensating for the rest of us. You know, they could kind of be normal people's "carbon offsets." ;)

I don't have anything against reasonable conservation--after all, I'm a CONSERVATIve. :P But, when you start telling me that "2 or 3 squares" in a "pesky" situation is all I get, I draw a line.

kingdavid said...

Can you imagine living with someone that thinks like this. The image that comes to mind is from the movie 'Airplane,' where that woman hangs herself after listening to the guy drone on about his life story. That would be me after about a week of it---where's the noose.

SolaMeanie said...

Actually, the electric chair might be more appropriate than the noose, kingdavid. They might see the noose as environmentally friendly, while a good, zapping electrocution at 2,400 volts would require an extra boost from the local nuclear or coal-fired plant.

One good thing might come out of that, too. Doesn't electricity produce ozone?

Mercy Now said...

I think they shouldn't even use toilet paper at all, that's cutting down trees but if they don't use TP, then I certainly don't want to be hugged by them even tho the trees may.

Palm boy said...

King Lear sounds like an interesting man. :D

KA, do you honestly want to live in a world where enviro's don't wipe? Aside from alienating the rest of the population with the, ah, stench, I don't think there would be much benifit to the rest of us. Although the carbon offset idea is brilliant.

David, I don't condone that. :D

Sola, it does indeed make ozone.

Mercy, lol.

Kingdom Advancer said...

Well, no, but I also don't want a public restroom automatic dispenser telling me, "I'm sorry, your allotment has been given" as I bang on the thing after accidentally dropping my single sheet on the floor or something. :D

But, wait...maybe the environmentalists would be alienated from society, rather than the rest of us normal folk. Brilliant...

Amelia said...

Well, KA, they have automatic dispensers for everything else, from soap to paper towels (although that's rather pesky, as well, wasting trees! heh) so it probably won't be too long now... ^_^

Gee whiz.

Kingdom Advancer said...

Well, those dispensers are just sort of annoying. You just have to wait and wave your hand by the motion detector again to get another sheet (or squirt of soap).

On the other hand, there would be problems if there were actually limitations. I just don't want to be robbed of my "God-given rights," as Sheryl Crow would say. :D